October’s Blog ~ Debunking the common myths of the ‘Positive’ spiritual community
The first myth: The choice is always yours!
I’ve had the same tired argument with many a Practitioner, friend and peer in the spiritual positive community:
“You can always choose how you feel in any given circumstance!”
And I agree, in part. Of course showing gratitude, thinking positively, looking out for lessons and taking personal responsibility & accountability, these can and will, all enhance and enrich our lives.
But what if you’re not aware? What if the patterns, thoughts, emotions and disruptive behaviours stem from outside of your awareness? Your subconscious, or you Shadow, to put it in Jungian term. What then? Can we really have choice if we are not aware?
In my experience, I would answer with a loud and resounding ‘Hell, No!’
And that’s where many of the positive life coaches, solution focused counsellors and even friends are failing us.
Of course, they come from a place of the best intentions, and are drawing on all that they have learnt. But there is a deeper level to this.
A few weeks ago, I was walking my dog with one of my closest friends and one of the most amazing human beings you could ever wish to meet. A true inspiration, I feel blessed to be in her company. Yet, on this occasion, on and on she loudly & emphatically preached; That I had the control to choose how I felt.
Only, what I had introduced into our conversation, was a break through stemming from therapeutic Shadow work – a break through that had taken me just over 39 years to reach. As well intentioned as her arguments were, I was left with this sense that my feelings and experience were not being heard, recognised or validated. Worse, that they were wrong.
And this is the real danger of the new age ‘Positive culture.’ What I really wanted to say, what I was too polite to say was; “With all the respect in the world, please do not tell me how I feel about this. This is MY journey, MY experience.” Instead, after a few mumbled & incoherent tongue-tied protests, I simply gave in and let go of what I was trying to share. I felt deflated.
Let’s be completely honest here. When we under play someone’s experience, what we’re actually doing is disempowering them, despite our core intentions being good. We are confirming that ‘the way you think, the way you experience; it’s wrong.’ That in itself can be acutely damaging and reconfirm any lingering low self-esteem and low confidence.
While I embrace being challenged, this was not the time or the place, and my new emerging voice, shrivelled back down to the darkness in which it had been hiding.
Over the years, I have had had many a client speak of experiencing similar to what I did that day (& on many other occasions). When you are only just starting to find your voice, when you are still not quite comfortable with conflict, when you have just had a breakthrough, experiencing this – at best, can leave you feeling subdued, at worst – it can catapult you back to square one with zero motivation to continue on your learning path.
‘So, what’s the answer?’, my friend enquired. ‘Going back over the past and picking at it like an old wound?’ I went quiet, lump in throat.
No, I didn’t need hour upon hour reliving my past trauma, but I did need to face my Shadows that were born of those events, and I needed to know how they formed patterns of being in my current state. I needed to give myself the permission and space to cry, mourn and grieve all that I had lost. I needed to honour all that I was. I needed to recognise and integrate into myself that part I had previously not been able to embrace; with compassion, kindness and empathy. Perhaps too I needed a companion who would simply say, ‘I hear you, I’m here. It took a lot of courage to go on that journey alone’.
The second myth: If you feel alone, you are not comfortable with yourself.
Yes, we all have that friend or co-worker who can not stand to be alone for a single moment. And of course, learning to love and appreciate one’s own company is a fundamental stage to healing and personal growth.
And yet, we all need energies to bounce off. Other people give us inspiration, renewed vigour, give us a different point of view and a sense of connection.
I adore my own company. Too long around crowds and I’m exhaustedly drained, longing for the comfort of my crystal drenched blue walls. I used to work 12-hour night shifts and after 4 days I was desperate to get back to the safety and sanctuary of my inner world.
But like anything, it is about balance. Too much time alone and we can be left feeling unmotivated and uninspired. This is the human condition. Should we rise above it? Why? Is that not what we’re here for? Were we really put on this planet of billions of beings simply to isolate ourselves?
The amount of times I’ve seen a post on social media where someone states they feel alone. Within seconds, hundreds of comments telling them to become au fait with their own company. Again, this invalidates and underplays their own experience. How about just listening? How about just giving anyone that feels that way a quick call, facetime, or a simple message. How about just saying, ‘I hear you, I’m here’.
Trust me, after nearly 20 years of doing this kind of work, that simple statement alone can often be the tonic someone needs. Giving someone the space to honour their most basic of needs – it’s empathy, it’s love, it’s connection, it’s humanity.
The third myth: We attract what we give out.
Wrong! (well partly at least). What if you give out love and find yourself the target of hate enflamed jealousy? What if you give out kindness and find yourself being taken advantage of time & time again? In my experience, the brighter we shine, the more we are at risk of attracting lower level energies which may seek to detract from our light, or worse, do us harm. The old adage misery loves company is a universal truth and you will always meet people who want to drag you down to their level so that they are not alone.
As we delve deeper into our spiritual journey, investigate more complex and intricate paths and dedicate ourselves to learning & enhancing our own unique gifts, we can often forget the basics, or just become so enamoured in the new worlds we’re entering that we’re not our usual alert, sharp thinking selves in the 3-D world.
It is the simple little rituals and techniques that can be employed daily to help us remain strong and protected within our own personal power that will guide us away from such troubles. This is the reason I am so passionate about grounding and protection work, for without this, we are little more than sitting lambs waiting for our light to be hunted.
So, always look after your light, because it is always looking after you.
Thank you for reading & have a blessed day.
If you would like more information on the services we offer in relation to Grounding & Protection Work (Spiritual Life Coaching & Counselling), or Shadow Work, please see our Healing for the Mind & Soul tab